State of Disequilibrium
Somehow I came to this point: out of sudden remembered the story of a woman named Resha Valentine. A fictional character in the Rave Master, Japanese manga series written and illustrated by Hiro Mashima. She possesses Aetherion, the most powerful magic in the entire Rave Master Universe which has the power of destruction while having power to create. But, the great power itself comes with severe consequences. Aside taking it’s toll to her body even just to try to control it, Aetherion also led many people who were driven by the fear that its power would go out of control to chase for her and try to restraint the power. Causing the carefree Resha to be burdened by her own possession. Later in her life, a man told her that fate is cruel and if she did not have Aetherion, she would have live a normal life.
Resha Valentine, The Aetherion Possessor (image is taken from here)
In less than a year, I learned a lot. Or maybe not really. But the thing is, even if I actually didn’t learn that much, it has great implication to me. It gives me sense of power because for me, knowledge is some form of power. Because by having the knowledge, I’d get more capacity to take control over myself, my life, or even the others’.
I believe that every single of us–the people who live inside the social sphere, by some means is controlled by the given social system. At some point, it might became too constraining for oneself to act independently and to make his/her own free choices. It also appears to be irrational sometimes, yet we have to accept it the way it is, or we might even never realize that we’ve been controlled all the time. But even with such given condition, we still be able to expand some space for our free choices and be freer. And the most basic requirement to achieve it is by knowing that we are constrained; which part of you and your life that’s irrationally constrained by society; and why you deserve to freer. Yep, knowledge is the key.
And as I said before, knowledge is some kind of power–potentially be a great one. But, just like Aetherion, it comes with some consequences. For those who can’t handle it well, having more knowledge can be overwhelming, tiresome or even stressful. Such thing happens to me lately. It was like, “Yes, with this more knowledge and newer perspective, now I really know what should and what shouldn’t. I also know what I want and vice versa. But haven’t been ready yet to face it”. Eventually it only ended up with series of anxiety, distress, or despair. There’s also time when I thought that if I don’t have such knowledge, I would be less anxious and happier to live my life. Whereas, I actually could manifest such knowledge into invention, structured plans for the future, or any great things, if I could handle it well.
It took awhile until I realized the insight of this phase of my life. Piaget once argued that development is driven by the process of equilibration. In some point of our life, we might face experience cognitive conflict and be thrown into state of disequilibrium. A state which I think I’m in. Within such state, we are more likely to be distressed or dissatisfied and it’s extremely uncomfortable. But we always have ways to get closer to the equilibrium state. If we refer again to Piaget, the ways is: assimilation, using an existing schema to deal with a new object or situation; and accommodation, changing the existing schema to deal with a new object or situation if the old one doesn’t work. We have to note that some kind of conditions force us to change ourselves, while the others need us to seek more knowledge. And as we undergo that process of equilibration, we also develop ourselves to be better.
It’s not a straight path, though. We might face social restrain in developing ourselves through the knowledge we obtained. There is also self-limitation along the way. But however unpleasant it is, I believe that the act of seeking knowledge, adjusting, and making use of it is the only way to get closer to our actualized self. So, I don’t think I should regret for being arrived in this state.